It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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