I need to stop coming to work sober
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
