Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
