Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize