And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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