Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize