I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
