if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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