please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
