just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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