I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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