Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
