I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
