my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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