she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They have beer where we have blood.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
