Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't deserve a penis
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
