I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
