just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
