So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
