I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
