I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
