I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
