some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
