rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
