I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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