brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
