I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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