this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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