Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
