he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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