well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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