why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
