we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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