her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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