tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
