when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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