sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
