Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There r osticjed everywhere
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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