I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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