we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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