Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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