You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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