the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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