I think im going to throw up on grandma
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
