Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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