I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
