cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
