Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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