Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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