Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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