I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I love having hate sex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
