I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
