Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
