gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We got so high we made milksteak
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
