I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize