It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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