This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We are two peas in an std pod
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
