Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
