did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
