Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize