I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Randomize
