Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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