she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
