WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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