Your tits are I can't wait for
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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