Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
