I love black thongs
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sorry about my life...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize