I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
