Pants 0. Shit 1.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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