I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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