I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
