im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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