Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
as a side note pls kill me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
