Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
