My Higher Power is John Stamos
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
