since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
