hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
