we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize