you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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