I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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