remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
