first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
