I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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