that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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