I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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