I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize