Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
