wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Are my feet made of real feet?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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