I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize