Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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