My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize