You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
