I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
