we have officially lost it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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