I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
