So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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