Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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