I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
