We're like a lot better than the average bears
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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