The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
