My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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