the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
