My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize