But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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