i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
